You owe yourself the love that you give to other’s freely.

Making: Few goals that I want to achieve this year

Cooking: Off late i have been loving to cook matoke.

Drinking: Black coffee

Wanting: To be a better person each sunrise

Deciding: What to better with my job and school

Reading: The Billioners PA

Craving: Pizza and Pork

Liking: My toe nails nail polish

Wondering: What kind of a mother I will be especially to my daughter.

Loving: The scars on my body

Pondering: What this year is holding.

Listening: Never regret by Muno

Considering: If some friendships or relationships are worth it.

Compromising: On a few things for the people I love

Buying: A watch

Watching: Blind spot, The Brave,

Accepting: My current situation of life

Hating: On fake relationships

Saving: Every coin for the future

Embracing: The silence at 3.00 am

Praying: For a better year to come.





I have been nominated for the Lobster Award by the amazing sharon mondi (go check out her blog). I am so excited, humbled, honoured  & thankful for the nomination.

What’s The Liebster Award all about?

The Liebster Award is a blogger award for new bloggers, those with few followers, who are still getting the hang of this dynamic industry. It is a fantastic way of giving exposure, recognition, and motivation to these talented newbies so as to keep their blogging fire blazing!

Rules of the Liebster Award

  1. Create a new blog with the graphical image of the Liebster Award as the one above.
  2. Thank the blogger who nominated you while also providing a link to their blog.
  3. Answer the Questions you had received from your Nominator(s).
  4. Nominate 10 bloggers and share your blog post with them so that they can accept their awards.
  5. Create a set of questions for your Nominees to Answer.

Lets do it!!!

5 Random Facts about me? 

  • I love nail polish but half the time am lazy to paint my nails
  • I love sleeping ( who doesn’t, Right?)
  • I am deadly afraid of cats
  • I am still afraid of the dark, especially when I let my imagination run wild.
  • I am always very emotional.

What’s Your Inspiration For Starting Your Blog?

  • To find out my speaking and writing voice

What Do You Do When You Are Not Blogging?

  • Always at work or trying to creat new content.

Where Do You See Yourself Five Years From Now?

  • Stable working on my blog in that people look up to it.


I would love to know more about these blogs:


Thank you.


What do we need to reflect?

A habit of reflection can:

  • make you happy
  • give you new ideas
  • Help develop an action or plan for the future

As we come to the close of 2017, I’ve been on a journey of reflection.

I’ve been taking time to thumb through my piles of notes and stacks of swipe files. I’ve been sorting through the lists of many scattered ideas and to-do’s. Along the way I’ve also been clearing out the clutter that fills my physical, mental, and emotional space.

This year I was figuring who i was, what i want, what fulfills my purpose and have a stronger sense of myself.

I started the year with a clear plate but I can describe the year with three words:

  1. Self acceptance: I learnt how to forgive myself, love myself and be kind to myself.
  2. Challenging: It was challenging physically where I decide to start working out, Emotionally where i lost people who meant a lot to me but also meet new people who are now family to me and Spiritually my bond with God grew stronger,
  3. Growth: despite the challenges I grew up i am not the same as i was early this year. I also grew up and found my writing voice which also gave me much confidence

I also learned lessons and the things that made me the weakest left me the strongest



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Do you often feel disappointed by other people or events?

Are you disappointed with people because they don’t do what they say?

Do you expect other people to react or reply to you on social media when you post something?

Where do your expectations stand? Most of the people focus on Family, Money and Relationship.


Expectation is the root of all the heartaches. Your expectation more than anything else in life, determine your reality. One of the keys to happiness lies within the management of your expectations and you can never be disappointed.

You either improve your reality or lower your expectations.

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From day one we are told what is expected of us conform, get good grades and be the best in everything. We always put our fate on others and wait to be judged.We are expected to know what we want for the rest of our lives at the age of only eighteen despite not having life experience. Most of us spend most of our lives trying to please others, being forever trapped by the expectations of the society.

Expectations are projections into the future. They are created because we can’t accept the present moment. So we rather hide in an ideal, future moment that is not real. Expectations cannot make you happy because you are not enjoying what is. You are striving for something that hasn’t come true yet.

I got a job early this year and one of the things my best friend asked me was ”  Is the job like what you expected it to be?” And that moment I realized that i got a job and i didn’t know what to expect from the job i was simply excited to have a new job.

When you live a life with no expectations you are rarely disappointed and you are free to just enjoy the moments and experiences as they happen. I’m not saying things will always work out, because they won’t, but it allows you to have an open mind.

We live in a world where everyone has these deadlines in their head and they generally go something like this: graduate high school at 18, graduate college at 23, work your dream job, get married at 26, buy a house and start a family.

Those “deadlines” and “expectations” sound like hell, tbh.

In my personal life I don’t have expectations of others, except to say that I assume all people are good until proven otherwise. I’m more interested in how people are, than what I expect them to be. If you ever want to be disappointed by someone, set unrealistic expectations. Of course as you get to know someone you have a sense of what they’re capable of, but even then people just do as they do, they don’t miss, meet, or exceed my expectations.

When I go to a movie I don’t expect it to be bad, good, or great — I just want to go see the movie. After it’s over I can ask myself if I liked it or not, not how it measured up to how much I thought I’d like it (or not). I’m convinced that people would like things a whole lot more if someone else didn’t tell them they wouldn’t like it. Stuff’s pretty great, you know.

When I go for a run I don’t expect to run a  8 minute mile, but if I do, great. And if I don’t that’s fine too — I still went for a run. If I was competing, that might be different, but I’m just enjoying.



The best way to manage your expectations is to live in the present moment more.Trust the process of getting to the desired event, trust yourself more and regularly reflect to make the necessary adjustments.


When was the last time you did something that you have been battling with yourself whether to do it or not?

I didn’t know if I had the courage to do this but something, somewhere deep within  kept pushing me to.

This is my first ever poem to write, I didn’t know what title to give to it.

It takes a life to make another
It takes a smile to save another
But it doesn’t take a heart to break another
It takes time to have tomorrow
It takes tomorrow to have forever
But it doesn’t take long to rip apart

It’s hard to bring back time
Like its hard to repair a broken glass
It’s either now or never
Do it while time lasts
Don’t save breath for nonsense
It makes no sense at all

Don’t purchase for death
By killing the little dreamy flies inside
On the other side
Kill the dreamy lies
That fade your light away
Think like a spider and act like an ant
Till the whole world has a reference of you

You are smart so think as you are
Live this minute as you will never see another
Time can pass your glimpse by so save it
Save it to tell another tale a tale to
Leave behind for the trail a trail that
Will forever praise your name

NB: Any suggestions of the poem’s title are appreciated.


People believe that turning 20 is the beginning of a quarter life crisis. I, on the other hand have been considering and celebrating the various experiences I have had and the many people I have met that have made these twenty years of life amazing.I graduated high school, came to college, made lifelong best friends. But, also in my twenty years of living, a lot has changed I lost a lot of friends from back home, high-school and college but also made new amazing friends in the process, I’ve struggled in some of my classes, After twenty years of living, I’ve really learned a lot about not only the world around me but myself. I’m not the same person I was at age 11, 16, or even 17. It’s crazy how quick life flies by, and this is just a short list of things I’ve learned in twenty years of living.:

  1. Accept yourself. love yourself first for everything else to fall in place
  2. Treat others the way you would love to be treated. instead of just treating others the way you would want to be treated, think about others the way you would want to be thought of. Feel about others the way you would want others to feel about you. Speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to or spoken of.
  3. You can’t force friendships and relationships. you can’t force consistency, honesty and loyalty it’s not worth it.
  4. Trust your Gut. It’s an age-old advice for a reason, Your instincts are usually right .
  5. Make time for family. Family isn’t defined by our last names or by blood, it is defined by commitment and love, showing up when they need it most, having each others back, choosing to love each other even on the days you struggle to like each other. There are those friends who just became family.
  6. People grow, change and move on. 
  7. Don’t be afraid to ask. Either help or questions if you don’t ask you will never find out answers.
  8. Say yes to new Opportunities. It can be hard to say “yes” to new opportunities, especially if they pull you out of your comfort zone. But agreeing to, or even strongly considering, every opportunity that comes your way is crucial to advancing your life and brings growth.
  9. Take time for yourself. Taking time of yourself has psychological and physical benefits. If you give yourself a break you’ll feel refreshed and happier.
  10. Go have experiences with people you love. Taking the time to connect with those you love will bring you true happiness. The more you do it, the happier you‘ll be.
  11. Spend time doing what you love. You can spend your whole life doing what you don’t want to do, and die. Or you can spend your life doing what you do want to do, and die. The end result is the same. The question is whether or not you are going to enjoy yourself in the meantime.
  12. Always smile. Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you’ll start to see a big difference in your life.
  13. Always be kind. Being kind is an important way of bringing meaning to our own lives. It also brings joy to the lives of others around us. Being kind allows us to communicate better, be more compassionate, and also to be a positive force in people’s lives. Kindness has its true source deep within you, and while some people are innately kind, it’s something that everyone can cultivate by choice.
  14. You don’t need a lot of friends just a few real ones. Be with people, who know your worth; you don’t need too many people to be happy. Just a few real ones who appreciates you for who you are.
  15. Learn not to be lonely when you alone. 
  16. You Cant make everyone happy. 
  17. Forgive people. Life is way too short to hold grudges. While you don’t necessarily have to stay friends with someone who hurt or betrayed you, still forgive them. It will feel much better than constantly thinking about how someone did you wrong.
  18. Appreciate the small things. Even the small things! Actually, especially the small things. Appreciate your family, because they aren’t going to be here forever. Appreciate high school, because life only gets harder after that. Appreciate college, because those four years are the only time you can go out every weekend.
  19. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. From religion to politics, let your voice be heard. Your opinion matters, and people should get to hear it! Don’t conform to the crowd just because you’re afraid how other people may view you.
  20. Take pictures. Not selfies or a picture of your dinner, take pictures of your boyfriend, best friend, roommates, crushes, a road trip that you went, your parents, when u go for swimming. You may want to remember that in future.









“Most of us have been pointing our criticism and judgments at ourselves for years, and it hasn’t solved anything yet…..It is extremely difficult to judge yourself. Some of us are very invested in our identifications; our ideas about ourselves–how we should look, how we should feel, what we should or shouldn’t be doing–are so strong that we may not be able to answer the four questions and do the turnarounds honestly.” ~ Byron Katie

Just like every day is a new beginning, every year is also a fresh new beginning. You cannot undo or redo the things that you did yesterday, but you can always do them in a different and better way today.

We all have passions and desire but we need a little help. You have two choices, to either fit in or be the one that you choose to be. work hard to become the person you choose to be.You only get one shot of life yet we spend most time on negativity and give up before we start. Most say you can’t make it how can you say that when you haven’t even tried?

This year i made it my goal to end my fears, I was done restricting myself and honestly it was the best thing i ever did.From that moment i learned to let go kept my happiness in the hands of fate.

The chance is now. if you not happy its your chance now

  • Laugh out loud
  • Go road trips
  • Ask questions
  • Know about people’s story’s
  • Feed your soul
  • Pick a new hobby

Growth is exciting, you see yourself change,progress and grow into who, who knows,only time will show.

Most people don’t try new things, they don’t take time to find out, If you don’t give something a chance you wont have a glimpse.

How can i feel better about myself?

  • Keep going
  • Trust yourself
  • Be friends with life
  • Watch your thoughts
  • Learn to love yourself
  • Don’t expect too much
  • Deal with your fears & acknowledge your flaws
  • Recognize that disappointment is part of life
  • Have a weekly exercise routine
  • Get out of your comfort zone


Feel good about yourself, no matter what life brings. Know that each time you wake up, you have another chance to make things better. Don’t waste it.

Smile whenever you can. Be your own best friend. Read good quotes and good books. Everyday make a list of the tiny things that you accomplished and the ways you became better. You will be surprised by the end of the year to see how much you have improved. Never stop learning and always allow yourself to grow. Keep challenging yourself.

It is time to change the way you approach things, time to start fixing things and building yourself up. Say ‘no’ to the things that harm you, either physically, emotionally or mentally. Walk out of every situation that puts your self-respect at stake. Walk away from people who, in any way, are being a hindrance to your growth and development.

Learn to let go and look ahead. What you lost was never yours. God has better plans for you. Make your connection with God stronger. Tell yourself, “I am important. I am worth it. I can do it. My well-being and self-respect comes before everything.”

If those fries are  giving you stomach aches at night, throw them away and start eating fruits and vegetables. Drink lots of water and detox your body. If that laptop or playing station  is wasting your time or preventing you from reading your favourite book or watching an educative or informative program, turn it off. If your best friend, boyfriend  or a random friend is only using you and giving you nothing but disappointments in return, don’t hesitate to say goodbye to him or her. You are not obligated to be there for him or waste your time and energy on him.

This month let’s add this to our New Month resolution list: “I must work on myself, for myself, by myself” so that by the end of the month, you can say to yourself, “I am proud of myself.” Everything takes time, but in the end, it is going to be worth it.

The more I grow, the more I realize there is so much out there I don’t know, so much that I have to learn.



What makes you smile? Ever sat down and made a list of this that you are happy about?

Happiness: You know it when you see it but its hard to define.You might call it a sense of well-being, of optimism or of meaningfulness in life, although those could also be treated as separate entities. But whatever happiness is, we know that we want it, and that is just somehow good.

My definition of happiness is Living the moment.

Positive thinking can create happiness while negative thinking can create unhappiness.


Our thoughts create our emotions, and our emotions create our state of mind.

Our life is the result of our feelings, we make decisions based on how we feel, we react to situations on base how we feel.

Does it make sense?

If we are angry and something happens, we react in a certain way, but if we are happy we might react in a different way.

So if most of the time we think of something negative, we will create a negative emotion and, accordingly, a negative state of mind. A negative state of mind means periods or moments of unhappiness.

So we have the power to decide whether we want to be happy, just choosing our thoughts.


We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

We humans are creatures of habit, therefore positivity should be simple – right! Well, not always.

The problem is that we get very comfortable  doing things the same way each and every day. We often absent-mindedly stick to a daily routine without considering the consequence or effectiveness of it.

If we are in the habit of smoking to relieve stress/anxiety, or over-eating, or taking our frustrations out on others, we must recognize these as habits worth changing, or eliminating. So where do we begin?

  1. Prepare your environment. The environment we try to build new habits in (or break old ones, even) has a huge effect on how successful we are. Environment in this case includes the people we spend time with and the messages we hear or tell ourselves, as well as our physical environment.

    The trick here is to ensure your environment is as conducive to you continuing your new habit as possible: suggestion to help you achieve a conducive environment:


    • Join a social group.
    • Read blogs and books that inspire you to do the habit.
    • Have reminders all around you.
    • Create a public challenge for yourself, to create accountability.
    • Have a habit partner you report to each day, and make a vow never to miss.


  2. Take Note Of One Positive Thing Everyday. Noticing the positive things that happen in your everyday life has been proven to be the best method of increasing your positive thinking. This doesn’t just happen when you’re doing the exercise: the effects can actually last much longer.
  3. Meditate. Give yourself a break. You deserve time to reflect and regroup too. Even a little 2 minute catnap can be surprisingly refreshing and rejuvenating. You’ll wake up feeling like you can take on anything!
  4. Practice gratitude. Be grateful for and focus on the good things you have in your life. Many of us get in the habit of sweating the ‘small stuff’ and let it get in the way of appreciating the important things such as family, friends, good health, freedom and the many opportunities we enjoy.
  5. Smile more. When you walk through the office, down the street or are in a store, make it a point to smile at someone to acknowledge them. It will make you both feel good.
  6. Be a listener. Take the time to listen to another’s point of view. Even if you don’t agree with what he/she is saying, try to put yourself in his/her place and understand where he/she is coming from. “Dont listen with the intent to reply but with the intent to understand”
  7. Perform and act of kindness. Do something nice just for the sake of doing it. Pay it Backward: buy coffee for the person behind you in line.Compliment the first three people you talk to today.Send a positive text message to five different people right now.Post inspirational sticky notes around your neighborhood, office, school, etc.Tell someone they dropped a dollar (even though they didn’t). Then give them a dollar.
  8. Learn something new. Make a conscious effort to keep your brain active and functioning at optimum levels. Learn a new vocabulary word or a new piece of information as often as you can. It will keep you sharp and alert.
  9. Fall in love with yourself. Just like any relationship, we have to fight to keep the connection we have with ourselves healthy and thriving.


It’s also very common sometimes to go back to our old and bad habit of being negative, but don’t worry and don’t be hard on yourself. If does happen, restart more focus on your final desire: to be happy.

“A thousand miles journey starts with a single step” Lao-tzu,

Karen Salmansohn: “True happiness isn’t about the things you have; it’s about the thoughts you have.  That’s why it’s called positive thinking and not positive thing-ing”


When it comes to your self-worth, only one opinion truly matters that is your own opinion, even that one should be carefully evaluated: we tend to be our own harshest critics.

One thing that has held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure and the lack of self-confidence.

Its something we all face, to some degree, I think the key question is how do you overcome that fear?

Here are some ways to boost your esteem, the list isn’t comprehensive, they are just somethings that worked out for me, you don’t have to do all of them pick and choose those that appeal to you.

Get to Know Yourself.

 Your enemy is yourself. get to know yourself better:

  • Start listening to your thoughts
  • Start writing a journal about yourself
  • The thoughts you have about yourself

Analyzing why you have such a negative thoughts. And then think of the good things about yourself, the things you do well, things you like, your limitations and whether they are real or ones that you have allowed to be placed there artificially, dig deeper and you will come out with even greater self-confidence.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    BE POSITIVE

Despite thinking positive you have to put  in action. action is the key of developing self-Confidence.Its one thing to learn to think positively but another when you start acting  on it, you change yourself step by step. you are what you do, so if you change what you do , you also change who you are. Act in a positive way, take action instead of saying you can’t, talk to people in a positive way , put energy in your actions and you will soon start to see the difference


Learn how to deal with your inner voice, everyone has one, the voice of your own critic. It whispers or shouts destructive thought like :

  • you are lazy and snoopy
  • you are not good in your job
  • you are ugly

You don’t have to accept it thou, there are ways to minimize the critics :

SAY STOP!STOP!,                                                                                                                         NO!NO! WE NOT GOING THERE AGAIN.                                                                           

Then focus on something constructive like what you want to eat for dinner or  your tactic for the next swimming class.  It helps a lot of ways to motivate yourself than listening to your inner critic.


 Moving your body helps you improve your mood. Ever since I started working out my mood and attitude about very many things changed. It has been one of my most empowering activities in the past few months and it has made me feel so much better about myself.

Always make your haters your biggest motivators”                                                


 I always feel much better the instant I smile and helps me be kinder to others. when you smile to another person a genuine or warm smile you tell the other person that they are attractive, likeable, safe secure and pleasant. A single smile is so powerful that it can often transform a person with Low Self-Esteem, jolting them from negativity to a person with a positive attitude.


Is there someone in your life that you havent forgiven? An ex partner? A family member? Yourself ?. By holding on to feelings of bitterness or resentment, we keep ourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity. If we haven’t forgiven ourselves, Shame will keep us in this same loop.

 Forgiving self and others has been found to improve self-esteem,” says Schiraldi.                                                                                                                                                    


When you are kinder towards others you tend to treat and think of yourself in a kinder way too. And the way you treat other people is how they tend to treat you in the long run.so focus on being kind in your daily life. The kind things you can do to people.

  • Saying Good morning to someone standing next to you in the elevator.
  • Hold up the door for the next person.
  • Let someone into your lane while driving.
  • Encourage a friend or a family member when they are uncertain or unmotivated.
  • Take a few minutes help someone out in a practical way.
  • Take time to direct someone who is lost even thou you are in a hurry


When you try something new, you challenge yourself in big or small ways, if you go out of your comfort zone the opinion about yourself goes up.So go outside of your comfort zone regularly. Don’t expect anything, just tell yourself that you will try something out. And then later on you can do the same thing a few more times and improve your own performance.And as always, if it feels too scary or uncomfortable then don’t beat yourself up. Take a smaller step forward instead by gently nudging yourself into motion.Try new things:

  • Change your wardrobe
  • Change your diet
  • Go for yoga classes
  • Go for swimming


 Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”– Harvey Fierstein

Learn how to say no and teach others to respect your boundaries.         

When you don’t like yourself, it’s easy to assume others won’t like you either. You may find you go out of your way to help others as you feel it’s the only way they’ll like you. It can make you feel even worse if this help isn’t reciprocated.

A good deed is great but over stretching yourself to please others can leave you with less energy to focus on yourself and can affect your mental health.

You could try the following to increase your confidence:

  • learn to say “no” –  take a breath before automatically agreeing to do something you don’t want to
  • set boundaries around how much you do for other people
  • take control of your own decisions

At first you might find it difficult to break these habits but making small changes to be more assertive can feel liberating and gets easier the more you do it.


It might sound so obvious but it’s amazing how a shower can change how you feel. if you dress nicely you will feel great about yourself. you will feel presentable, succesful and ready to tackle the world. dressing means something different to everyone. doesn’t mean wearing  $1000 clothes, but could mean wearing presentable and clean clothes.


Spend time with people who love you and treat you the way you want to be treated, this will boost your self-confidence and help you feel good about yourself.    

I try to remind myself it’s ok not to be perfect. My family remind me of the things I’ve done right – this really helps.                                                                              


When you start living the moment, you tend to make decisions consciously and wisely. These conscious decisions and actions help you raise your self-esteem.Your self esteem is a measure of how worthy you think you are. Dont  look outward for affirmations, set your own expectations of who you should be and then do all you can to live up to those expectations. you have it in you to be the person you can be proud of.                                                                                                                                                                          


                             Commit to it and go become that person         




Previously i had briefed on random facts about low self-esteem and characteristics of people with low self-esteem.

Today I’ll do an over view of causes of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can be particularly hard for young people as it is a time when they are exposed to new life events, like starting high  school or work, forming new friendships and new relationships

Some of the major reasons causing low self-esteem include:

  1. BODY IMAGE. What do you think you look like? Body image is the mental representation one creates, it is subject to all kinds of distortions from, internal elements like emotions, moods and attitude of our parents. it is always the imperfect mirror  in our head. For example: I have for the longest time thought myself to be ugly, question how my face looks, my stretch marks, my long fingers and toesDoes this sound familiar? ”I am to tall” ”I am too fat” ”i am too skinny” “if only i were taller, had curly hair,smaller nose, shorter legs I’d be happy”. Guess what you don’t have to be thin, fat, tall, short to be attractive! Someone will like your appearance and if you have a good feeling about yourself even better.
  2. SOCIETY AND SOCIAL MEDIA. Social media is linked to the highest levels of loneliness, envy, anxiety, depression, narcissism and decreased social skills. people need to learn to take other people’s social media post with “A grain of Salt”. It’s no secret that people in social media are packaged and airbrushed into unrealistic levels of beauty and thinness. It is an epidemic which is only getting worse and worse.We tend to compare ourselves to others on Facebook, instagram, linked in, snapchat and twitter and when we see pictures and magazines and compare them to ourselves, they don’t show us the stretch marks, the pimples and black spots on their faces, they don’t represent you and me. The irony is that social media forces out the message of be yourself when it is to blame for all our insecurities.
  3. TRAUMA & ABUSE. 95% of people molested are molested by the people they know the aunt, uncle or even neighbour.Abuse of any kind gives a person the impression that he is simply a thing to be used and punished and that in some way he deserves it. Obviously in this scenarios there is so much going on that you may need to disassociate, check out or go away. This can make you feel nothingness, hate for oneself, repulsive and seeringly shameful among a zillion other feelings.
  4. EXCESSIVE CRITISIM. When a person is constantly reminded that he is no-good, it results in the child feeling inadequate and he loses his self-confidence. Such events create a feeling of worthlessness, making them pessimistic and hesitant from doing anything positive.
  5. UNFAIR COMPARISONS. When growing up at one time or another we are compared to another person, Most of the times such comparisons is unfair. A child who has scored poorly in an exam is compared with another child who has scored high marks and scolded in the process. The child may have another aptitude in some other field a good champion, actor, singer or poet. Instead of encouraging his qualities he is criticized for his weakness. “everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that its stupid “ ALBERT EINSTEIN.

Low self-esteem can have a crippling effect on a person’s life in its varied forms, and that is why it becomes necessary to study the causes of the same. Once we know the source of a problem, it is possible to take up steps to improve self-esteem.